I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
