It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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