I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need moral support for this bender
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
