Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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