we're blogging at a bar
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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