I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
