I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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