If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
