fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
