Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
