He told me they were just razor bumps!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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