Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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