Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she smelled like a LAN party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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