there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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