One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dick very happy bro
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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