Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
