We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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