he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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