Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
