I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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