I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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