I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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