is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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