i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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