On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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