my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
