Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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