were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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