we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
