and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
