fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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