There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
