Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
