Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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