your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
