What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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