Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
