i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
