theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
