OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
