Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
