I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We have started to decorate penises.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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