lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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