the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
