i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
