no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
