Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Randomize
