It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
