Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
