You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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