I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We named our party play list daddy issues
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
