Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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